I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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