I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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