She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
