i need an iv and a liver transplant
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
