Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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