you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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