guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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