I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
operation have a gay friend backfired
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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