I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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