so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
