You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
