Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize