Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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