hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
