wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
