woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
