Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
