I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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