somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
