In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize