The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
