I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
