My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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