so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
