Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
