THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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