well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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