Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
