I wannas sexs uuuuu
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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