walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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