What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
