Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
