VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
