drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
