I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
