Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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