so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Randomize
