we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Found your dick twin last night
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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