trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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