and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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