he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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