i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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