It's Friday. Sex?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize