All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
