I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
