She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
