Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
