I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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