my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
