i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
