Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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