Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
