theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
