I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
