Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize