I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
