dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
