Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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