I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
