just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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