He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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