highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
