Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

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(623): View more from Arizona

listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.

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(716): View more from New York

i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.

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(419): View more from Ohio

You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.

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(512): View more from Texas

Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.

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(954): View more from Florida

Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response

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