Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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