dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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