Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
