We named our party play list daddy issues
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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