90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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