worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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