according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
