I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Randomize
