He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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