Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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