I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
