i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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