Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
