so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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