His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
