are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
