Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He felt like a one man threesome
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
