I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
