if i can run in heels then i can drive
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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