I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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